


I Have Not The Pleasure Of Understanding You

by Emono



Category: Band of Brothers
Genre: Alternate Universe - 19th Century, Alternate Universe - Royalty, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Courtship, Enemies to Lovers, M/M, Pranks and Practical Jokes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-26
Updated: 2017-02-26
Packaged: 2018-09-27 00:08:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9936023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emono/pseuds/Emono
Summary: Prince David and Prince Joseph are to be married, a political match. The only problem is that Joe was David's childhood bully and he's opposed to the match. Joe is such a smug, awful bastard and seems to be doing everything under the sun to get under his skin. Or is it just to get his attention? And how dare Joe grow so beautiful in two summers? Maybe, just maybe, this isn't the worst thing to happen to him.“Is not general incivility the very essence of love?”





	

**Here's the tag for[arranged marriage au](http://emono-omae.tumblr.com/tagged/arranged-marriage-au). Sorry for the double posting, my computer lagged SUPER hard. Feedback is really appreciated <3**

 

* * *

 

 

The ball was as grand as any other his father had thrown. And as usual, David was bored within the first hour. He’d already made his two trips around the room to make his presence known and shake the hands, rub the elbows, all the things that were expected of him as a prince. There was something in the air this time around, some kind of tension in his father’s eyes and those of his advisers. He was three glasses of wine in and had scarfed down several of the decadent dessert pastries when the news was dropped on him.

 

“This is _what_?”

 

“Lower your voice,” his father hissed, taking him by the shoulder and leading him towards the side of the room. Their knights closed in to give them some privacy. “I told you this day was coming. You’re of the proper age to be married and we agreed a political match would be best. For the good of the crown.”

 

“I didn’t think you’d spring a damn engagement party on me,” David cursed lowly, turning sheepish when his father glared at him. “I have plenty of sisters for the good of the crown. There will be a dozen heir-apparents within the next few years. So you can’t possibly want me to give one?”

 

“Don’t be a smart brat,” his father tisked. “No, David, your marriage will be one to unite houses. He’s a second son with many sisters, like yourself. His father and I have spoke at great length about this match and it’s the most civil we’ve been in our reigns. So you _will_ behave.”

 

David tried not to pout but it was hard with three full wine goblets in his belly and such startling news dropped on him. “Fine. At least tell me who he is? Is he here? Have I spoken with him already and he’s having a good laugh at my expense?” He wrinkled his nose. “Please tell me it’s not one of those Austrian nobles. You know I have no love for the country.”

 

He saw his father’s fingers twitch and he knew the king was trying not to cuff him upside the head. “No. You are overly familiar with him. It’s a German union, the second eldest of the Liebgott house.”

 

“ _Joseph_?!” David blurted in outrage, ignoring his father’s hushing. “You must be joking! Please tell me this is a sick rouse to shock me into marrying some old man!?”

 

“ _David_ ,” his father hissed.

 

“I can’t marry him!” David blustered, fluttering all over with outrage at the thought of his childhood rival and bully.

 

“We need this marriage,” his father pressed. “If we can reopen our trade with Germany, if we can forge a solid alliance and bridge the gap between us once more, I believe we will prosper. It’s not like I’m trying to give you away to some sniveling dauphin.”

 

“The French ship has sailed,” David scoffed. “Like I’d ever consider.”

 

“Which is why Joseph is such a good choice.”

 

“His family rules a sovereign house,” David countered. “Albeit it, a large one with many resources, yes. But he’s not a _real_ prince.”

 

He could tell his father was trying not to roll his eyes. “That’s very backwards thinking of you, David. They are royalty in their country though they are numerous and divided. We must respect that. And a German marriage is needed for our line. It’s been too many years since we’ve accepted one of their proposals.

 

“Father, we _hate_ each other. We’ve always hated each other!”  


  
“You’re exaggerating, David, and you need to lower your voice.”

 

“He used to trip me whenever we walked in public,” David whispered fiercely, hands gesturing wildly as he fought off a rise of panic. “He put ink in my wine on my sixteenth birthday and my teeth were stained for a week.”

 

“I seem to remember a certain young prince kicking him out of a treehouse and breaking his arm,” his father drawled.

 

David flushed hot from ear to throat. “He called me a _schwanzlutscher_ and I know what that means.”

 

His father raised an unamused brow at him. “He wasn’t exactly wrong now, was he?”

 

“Father!”

 

“Was he?”

  
  
“He paid a handmaiden to short my sheets!” David ranted animatedly. “One summer, he cut up my favorite vest because I wouldn’t let him use my bow to hunt. And when he visited for his birthday two years ago, you gave him my favorite horse.”

  
  
“It was a nice mare, David, and you have so many.”

 

“She was my _favorite_!”

 

“You have lots of favorites.”

 

“And Joseph Liebgott, Prince of Complete Assholes, is not one of them. I am _literally_ his least favorite person. He hates literature, he loves _hunting_ of all things, and he hates the sea. I don’t even think he can swim. Who in their right mind hates the water when we live in countries surrounded by so much ocean beauty?”

 

He watched his father pinch the bridge of his nose and he knew he was kicking up a migraine for him. But he couldn’t let this atrocity stand.

 

“He’s an arrogant, self-centered bastard who’s never said a word to me that wasn’t harsh or sarcastic. He’s wildly full of himself and opinionated in the worst ways.”

 

“That sounds like someone I know intimately,” his father snarked.

 

David huffed and crossed his arms over his chest. “You’re being ridiculous.”

 

“I’m not the one throwing a tantrum over a perfectly good match in the middle of his engagement party.”

 

“He’s not my perfect match. There’s never been anything further from the truth,” David snorted. “He’s a brute. He’s brash and crude and an absolute-”

 

“He’s arrived.”

 

David shot a glare in the direction his father gestured but his ire fell away to shock. He hadn’t seen Liebgott in two years. He’d been a scrawny, greasy little brat then but something had happened to him in two summers. He was still lithe but the way his suit tailored snugly to his form gave him a graceful height and showed off the bit of muscle he’d packed on. The dove grey of his vest accented his sun-kissed skin. Thick, raven hair had been slicked back all for one rebellious curl that laid almost artfully along his forehead. The sharpness of his jaw was accented by how close he’d shaven and it showed off the fullness of his lips.

 

“Fine.” David choked out, tearing his eyes away.

 

“Fine?” his father echoed doubtfully.

 

“It’s not like I have much of a choice, right?” David grit out.

 

“No, son, I’m afraid not,” his father apologized.

 

“Then make the announcement already,” David conceded. “I’m sure he’ll have much to say on the matter.”

 

“Actually, he’s already agreed.”

 

David’s mouth dropped in shock. “I’m sorry?”

 

“He’s known for weeks.” He hated how his father chuckled at his surprise. “You were the unknown factor in this arrangement, David. I had to make such a spectacle because I knew it would take a week to drag you out of your bedroom if you’d known ahead of time. And I couldn’t have your betrothed seeing you in such a state.”

 

“I wouldn’t have…” David trailed off, cheeks turning scarlet. “It wouldn’t have been a _week_.”

 

o0o0o0o

 

The announcement went quite well through England. As the oldest son, David would one day be king though with a husband he would adopt the proper son of one of his sisters to become his heir. Until that day, _he_ was the rightful heir. That made Joseph the future king as well and any royal marriage and fresh blood was a welcome sight. Especially in London.

 

o0o

 

It was a big to-do at Buckingham. Nearly every noble in England was invited to the official ceremony. It was all a big showcase but it was tradition and expected. For Joseph it was easy - he just had to stand there and look regal. David was the one who had to shake off his nerves in the side room with only Carwood to help calm him down.

 

“He’s already agreed,” Carwood assured him as he laid the ring box in his hand and patted the back of it. “It’s not as if he can say no.”

 

But what if he _did_?

 

David had to stride into the room radiating confidence and English pride like this whole arrangement had been his idea instead of a surprise not a week before. He was the one who had to walk to the center of the room before Joseph, drop to a knee, and present the heavy royal ring he’d had commissioned for the occasion. It was silver with a fashionable cut sapphire that would sit in place upon Joseph’s hand until their marriage.

 

“This ring is my declaration of courtship to you, Joseph Liebgott of Württemberg, prince of your house and second heir to your name,” David recited what he had practiced in the mirror the day before, finding it hard to meet Joseph’s intense, dark stare. “If you accept it, I will do everything in my power to prove my worth as your future husband and king. I know you’ll miss your home.” David watched Joseph bite the side of his lip and he hoped he hadn’t stepped out of line. “Wear this ring and I will dedicate my life and our marriage to making England your home as well.”

 

Joseph looked down at the ring for a few heartbeats too long. He frowned, a little unsure, and David’s stomach twisted. The German prince looked as if he had been expecting something else. David waited with baited breath and couldn’t help but wonder if he truly was going to be rejected. What if Joseph had only agreed to all of it for this public moment to humiliate him in front of the entire English court?

 

They hadn’t spoken alone. They’d been forced to keep face and speak formally, and otherwise had been kept at a distance. Joseph had brought his own little court of gentlemen and they were fiercely protective of their prince.

 

“I accept,” Joseph finally stated. His tone was clipped but he did hold out his left hand.

 

David slid the ring onto the proper finger and realized suddenly how wrong it looked on the other prince’s hand. The ring looked like something David himself should wear, cool blue and delicate. Joseph was made to wear ruby and gold, forged in fire to match his biting wit and sharp tongue.

 

It was the first step of their marriage and he’d already screwed up.

 

o0o

 

They stood together at the top of the steps of the grand building where the king had made the royal decree. The courtyard was overflooded with cheering people and the sound was a little overwhelming. David smiled and waved as he was supposed to and didn’t dare look over at his future husband. He was sure Joseph was living up to the German stereotype and pulling quite a sour face, standing stiff and looking ever-so standoffish.

 

“David, take my hand.”

 

David startled and turned toward him with a pinched brow. Joseph was surprisingly smiling brightly and waving much more enthusiastically, blowing a kiss or two and making a few girls in the front lines fan themselves. He struck quite a handsome figure and David was momentarily distracted to remember what he’d said.

 

“Take my hand already,” Joseph griped though his smile never faltered.

 

“Why?”

 

“They’ll love it,” Joseph insisted. He turned toward him and held out his hand, wiggling his fingers. “We’re supposed to be a united front, princess. Don’t make me do all the work.”

 

David colored at the term and quickly snatched his hand. “Don’t call me that.”  
  
  
  
“Then stop pouting,” Joseph needled, lacing their fingers and casually leaning closer like there was already affection between them. The cheers doubled and he shot the other prince a cocky smirk. “Do I have to do this marriage all by myself or are you going to at least try to participate?”

 

“I’m participating,” David groused. He picked up their hands and pressed a kiss to the back of Joseph’s hand for show. Though why he squeezed his hand afterward he wasn’t sure but it felt right. “See? I’m not the only one who can play the part, Joseph.”

 

Joseph frowned down at their hands briefly before looking back to the crowd, his smile more hollow this time. “My mother calls me Joseph.”

 

“What do you want me to call you? Highness?” David scoffed. “My prince?”

  
  
“ ‘Joe’ would be fine,” the German muttered defeatedly.

 

David did a doubletake at him. There was something sincerely hurt on the other prince’s face. He cleared his throat and kept waving. “Alright, I believe can manage that.”

 

o0o

 

Joseph would be moving into chambers in the west wing, the opposite side of Windsor Palace as David’s own personal chambers. They were in a formal courtship, after all. That meant supervised visits, public outings - they weren’t allowed to be alone. That and their feisty rivalry was no secret in either country.

 

Along with his own personal court, Joseph brought a whole collection of his own things. Furniture, bedding, decorations - everything from his stationary to his curtains. It seemed he wanted nothing English in his chambers.

 

Carwood has been assigned by his father as the official supervisor of their match and was ordered to accompany him to every meeting where they had the chance of being alone. Carwood was the son of a duke, they’d trained together as boys and grown up together. He was fair tempered, polite but firm, and one of the best friends he’d ever had. If anyone was going to be assigned for this horrible task, he was glad it was Carwood.

 

That man was the only one who kept him sane some days.

 

Together now they made their way to the west wing of the castle. It was a bustle of activity as the rooms were filled with the personal items of the new occupants. There was Joseph’s personal court along with a handful of servants and it seemed he was giving them all proper housing befitting of his status. It was as generous as it was was good for his image among the English servants.

 

David spotted Joseph among the fray and made his way toward him, his shadow at his heels. “Is the moving going well, Joseph? I trust everything has been to your liking. If there’s anything you need, it’s yours.” He stopped short and scowled. “What is _that_?”

 

In Joseph’s arms was a wild looking silver cat with a white mask and large, judging eyes. “This is Schubert.”

 

David made a disgusted noise and Carwood gave him a pointed glare. “It’s fur looks matted!”

 

“He’s curly,” Joseph defended quickly, running a possessive hand down the cat’s back. “That’s what his breed looks like, princess.”

  
  
“ _Don’t_ ,” David hissed, eyes jumping to the servants passing by them as they moved items out of the crates.

 

Joseph rolled his eyes. “Trust me, they know.”

 

“It’s disrespectful.”

 

“So is insulting my friend.”

 

“Friend?” David echoed. “You honestly brought a pet? The lower levels of the castle are full of cats you can play with.”

  
  
“I don’t _play_ with him,” Joseph spat out, half lying as he continued to pet through the cat’s silky fur. “My mother was given his grandfather as a gift, my sisters took care of his father, and he was born on my eighteenth birthday. This _pet_ is as much a part of my family as anyone else. Where I go, he goes. This is my companion.” He scoffed and butted his nose against the top of Schubert’s head. “Ignore David. He’s never had an honest friend.”

 

David gaped briefly at the insult. “I have friends!”

 

“Sure,” Joseph tisked as he started toward the bedroom. “The move is going fine, David. Thank you for checking up on me.” He dipped briefly in a bow, the cat cradled protectively to his chest. “I’ll see you at dinner. Good afternoon.”

 

David watched him go and tried to come up with something clever, something witty, but the man was gone before he could formulate anything.

 

“He can be polite,” Carwood remarked. “That has to count for something, right?”

 

“Shut up, Carwood.”

 

o0o

 

David thought Schubert would stay in Joseph’s chambers, or at least in the west wing. Yet he kept running into the distinctive cat wherever he went. He tried to get along with it for the sake of his future marriage but Schubert seemed dead set on hating him. Maybe the cat remembered the comment about his strange, curly fur or maybe it was just too in-tune with its owner to like him. Every treat he offered was refused, every bell or ribbon rejected, and whenever he tried to pet Schubert he got a fistful of scratches.

 

“That cat is a demon,” David griped as he carefully made his way down the stairs.

 

George rolled his eyes at him and tugged on his sleeve to hurry him up. “That’s ridiculous.”

 

“He keeps tripping me! He knows where I am!” David whipped around, glaring behind him but finding no silver menace. “Correction - he’s the hellhound of a Germanic demon sent to ruin my life.”

 

“Prince Joseph is hardly ruining your life. Making you paranoid and silly, yes.”

 

“If Joe didn’t look so damn adorable holding him, I wouldn’t even let the pest stay.”

 

George turned and gaped at him and he shoved a finger in his friend’s face.

 

“If you repeat that statement to anyone, I’ll have you flogged and I’ll deny it. No one will ever believe you.”

 

George chuckled behind his hand before continuing down the steps with a new jaunt. “See? He’s not ruining your life. You’re starting to like him.”

 

“His sarcasm is charming, how could a man resist?” David deadpanned.

 

A silver blur shot across the stair and across his foot. David yelped and clung to the banister, scowling as Schubert beat his retreat. “Not today, you filthy animal!”

 

o0o

 

Schubert was surely a demon.

 

David jerked out of a dreamless sleep when something touched his leg beneath the blanket. He drew in on himself and pushed up against the headboard, rubbing the haze from his eyes as he tried to get his bearings. There was enough moonlight for his vision to adjust and he tried not to scream when something moved under his covers. He whipped back the blanket and couldn’t quite believe what he was seeing.

 

“Schubert?” David puzzled. “How in the world did you get in here?”

  
  
Schubert blinked up at him, unamused, and then flopped fully onto the bed.

 

“Get out of here!” David shooed, batting at his stomach. He gave pause when he wasn’t attacked and then laid hesitant fingers back on the cat’s belly. What looked at first like matted fur truly were curls and they were like silk. He nudged Schubert a few times but only got an irritated chirp. “Go sleep with Joe. He’s your master. I’m just his amusement.”

  
  
Schubert stretched and his tail flicked once but otherwise remained supine.

 

“Your stubborn little-” David sucked his teeth. “Fine. Move over at least. This is _my_ bed after all.”

 

o0o

 

By the end of the week, David accepted that Schubert was a fickle asshole just like Joseph.

 

“I see how it is,” David complained as Schubert turned up his nose at the offered bite of pork between his fingers. He was taking breakfast with Joseph and a few of their gentlemen, Carwood and his German equivalent chaperone Ron present at both prince’s right sides. David scowled as Schubert pointedly walked around the table and jumped up into Joseph’s lap. “You only love me in the moonlight.”

  
  
“What are you going on about over there?” Joseph asked, feeding the feline a bite of his own pork.

 

“He tries to kill me during the day, but your friend has spent every night in my bed this week,” David commented off handedly. “Maybe I have tastier mice. I’m sure I’m one small part in a long circuit of bed partners.” He took a bite of sausage and made a face at the cat. “ _Tramp_.”

 

Joseph’s expression was unreadable.

 

o0o

 

When Joe got a moment alone with Schubert, he lifted his furry friend right up off the floor and pushed their faces together.

 

“What do you think you’re doing, little one?” Joe questioned in German, bumping their noses. “You’ve never slept in another bed before.”

 

But Schubert’s golden eyes held no answers, only more questions.

 

“Could you like our little English prince?”

 

Schubert licked his nose and he chuckled.

 

“Fine. Visit his bed as often as you like.” He pressed a kiss to the feline’s head and got a mewl. “You know how I feel about him. Just remember, he’ll be mine in the end.”

 

o0o0o0o

 

The cat was one thing. _This_ was another.

 

The polo tournament was one of their first public appearances together. It was a big to-do with a massive turn out. His father and mother were there in the elevated seats applauding for them and their smiles were blessedly genuine. David and Joe both stood on the field together, waving to the crowd, smiling and doing their duty. Joe produced a red kerchief and made a show of handing it to David, who accepted it with a bow. The ladies in the crowd were particularly loud in their approval.

 

David busied himself tucking the favor into his pocket to notice his horse right away. It was brought out to him and when he took the reins he had to bite back a rather undignified noise.

 

“What happened to him?” David demanded as he eyed the elaborate, complex braids woven into his horse’s mane. There were small daisies laced within the curves and the whole thing seemed slick with some kind of sheer glaze that made them stiff. Even if David were to undo the multicolored ribbons at the end of the braids the plates would stay.

 

The servant shrugged and the sincere confusion on his face told him all he needed to know. He turned his attention to Joe who was grinning like Schubert. “What did you _do_?”

 

“This is how we do it in Germany,” Joe assured him, words dripping particularly thick with his accent. It was an old and contrived trick that David had never had patience for.

 

“I know for a fact it is _not_.” He knew he was blushing but he kept his voice quiet and his expression as neutral as he could manage.

 

“Well, from now on it is. A proper stead for a princess.” Joe snickered but gave a cute little almost-curtsy, one slim boot tip tucked behind his heel as he dipped and offered his left hand. “Now, kiss your ugly ring and let me wish you good luck in this vapid sport.”

 

David bowed over his hand and brushed his lips against the skin when truly he wanted to bite.

 

“You Englishmen can’t even hold a real sport tournie. Sticks with horses and balls,” Joe griped under his breath, bowing in return when the other prince straightened. “If you need me, I’ll be over there on my widow’s peak praying for your safe return from your equestrian battle.”

 

David wrapped the reins around his fist with a put-upon sigh. “Can’t you at least pretend to like something I’m interested in without finding a way to torment me?”

 

“I don’t know, can _you_?” Joe shot back before he turned and strut from the field to his seat beside the rest of the royal family.

 

David mulled over the ominous statement but the blast of the trumpets cleared his head for the tournament. He’d show Joe what a real sport was.

 

o0o0o0o

 

David figured out quite quickly why Joseph had agreed to their betrothal. He wanted to torture him. Joseph had moved in completely and as the visiting prince, royal decree stated that he would be courted properly. Though gifts would be exchanged both ways, it was David’s duty to make his future husband feel ‘at home’ and ease the transition as he came to live in England.

 

Translation - Joseph had become his new slave driver and personal annoyance. Every whim of his became David’s responsibility and it was quickly driving him mad. He faked headaches and illnesses some days just to have some peace but his father was not easily fooled. Neither were his noble gentlemen. George and Carwood, his two closest friends and constant companions, often drug him out of bed by the sheer strength of their backs.

 

That is - when they weren’t too busy getting chased after and grab-assed by Joseph’s two personal knights, Toye and Speirs.

 

He knew this marriage would be his own personal nightmare.

 

“I’m going to hang myself from the rafters if I have to fulfill one more of his ridiculous requests!” David lamented, sprawled across his bed with an arm thrown over his eyes. “I’ll eat a blade first, I swear it!”

 

“You’re much too short and too bad a toss to possibly get a noose upon _these_ rafters, my prince,” Carwood drawled boredly as he laid out the man’s clothes for the day. “Hurry up, your breakfast is growing cold.”

 

David pouted and peered at the man from under his arm. “I’ll starve myself, then.”

 

“Muck put an extra helping of sausage on there just for you.”

 

David sat up with a put-upon sigh. “I guess I can begin my starvation at lunch.”

  
  
Across the room, George threw open the curtains with a grin. “That’s the spirit!”

 

o0o0o0o

 

Even food couldn’t be the comfort it once was. For a full week, Joe made a special request to the kitchen to serve pheasant for dinner and one course of thick, pumpkin soup. Both foods rolled David’s stomach and he was forced to stare down at the dishes in disdain when they were served. Each evening when the predictable plates were laid in front of him, David met Joe’s sharp eyes that were daring him to protest. He kept his mouth shut to keep from giving him the satisfaction. Even if he did request something else he would only look bratty.

 

David really needed to find out who was tattling on his dislikes because there was no chance Joe remembered incidents of past parties where he’d fussed over those particular foods.

 

It was a relief when at the end of the week a luscious cake was served for dessert. He took a heavy, grateful forkful but the second it touched his tongue he couldn’t stop a grunt of distaste. He dropped the fork with a groan and pushed the plate away. “I _hate_ dark chocolate.”

 

“How spoiled you sound, David, my goodness,” his mother scolded with a sharp look.

 

Joe hummed around his own fork and when he smiled at the queen it was sugar sweet. “I adore dark chocolate, my queen. Don’t you?”

  
“Very much so,” she agreed, so obviously charmed. “Ignore David. I find some bitterness with my chocolate is most welcome.”

 

“Aye.”

 

David snuffed when Joe winked at him from across the table. “You only like it because I despite it.”

 

“Now David,” Joe tisked, fork clicking lightly off the plate as he scooped up another bite. “That would be downright...what’s the English word?” He pretended to search for it then grinned with a mouthful of sharp teeth. “ _Petty_.”

 

o0o0o0o

 

David’s weekends started to become cluttered with another set of Joe’s requests. _Dance lessons_. He loathed dancing, he was terrible at it. Everyone knew this. But Joe apparently was quite proficient and enjoyed it greatly back in Germany and he wanted to bring some of those complex dances across the sea. It seemed he was a fan of mixing Georgian style and more aggressive steps where partners were bodily lifted.

 

Translation - he liked watching David get thrown around like a sack of potatoes.

 

Joe and a proper teacher led the lessons and the king forced David to attend, who in turn forced every last one of his gentlemen to accompany him. Carwood, of course, was graceful despite his muscle and size. George was light on his feet but others like Hoobler and Shifty were rightly terrible but fast learners. Two of his knights, Talbert and Babe, were also pulled in and the two were horrendously clumsy. After being caught laughing, three of his best chefs were also yanked into the classes. Penkala was surprisingly good but Malarkey and Muck were hopeless, left-footed fools.

 

Of course Joe’s court of gentlemen and knights were all disgustingly graceful and skilled.

 

David tripped over his own feet for the third time in one song and he screamed in frustration, shoving away the German noble who’d been so patient with him. Charles Grant, a handsome young man who had the good grace not to laugh outright at him.

 

“You’ll get it, Highness,” his accent stuck on the title a little but all their English was perfect. Meanwhile, only half of David’s own court could speak German. It was embarrassing.

 

Joe was smirking rather smugly at him from the corner and he hated how good the man looked observing them like they were playthings.

 

“Dancing is useless!” David declared, straightening his jacket and hoping his ears weren’t as red as they felt. “Why would one ever want to go through with such a spectacle?”

 

“Maybe to win affection?” Joe offered haughtily. “Animals have been dancing and peacocking for mates since the dawn of time. We show off our figures and hope to gain love.”

  
  
“You know what encourages love?” David countered. “ _Poetry_. Words, conversation, beautiful metaphors woven into symbols more grand than our hearts could bare.”

 

Joe rolled his eyes and tapped his cane against the floor. “You can’t touch your partner with words, David.”

 

“You can touch their _hearts_.”

  
David felt a thrill of victory when the other prince’s mouth dropped open briefly. He was dumbstruck but for a few seconds but it was worth sore feet and a bruised ego. Joe beat his cane against the hardwood and gestured at the quartet he had dragged in from the main hall.  
  
  
  
“ _Again_. And keep the prince upright this time, Grant. For surely his face would gain no favor by smacking into the floor.”

 

o0o0o0o

 

“What’s this?” David asked as Babe passed him a letter outside his bedroom. Carwood and Luz shucked their outside coats near the hearth and worked together to build it back up. Babe was useless with flames. The knight smiled brightly and he knew it was nothing good. “Oh no.”

 

“You got a gift!” Babe gushed. “Your prince came by while you were out and left a courting gift.”

 

David frowned deeply. “You let him in here?”

 

“It was only for a moment,” Babe promised. “Just long enough for him to put your present in your room. I made sure he didn’t come out with anything.”

 

“But you let him go _in_ ,” David reiterated. “While I was _gone_. Heffron, you cannot let him or any of his men in here! He’s not supposed to be past the outerchamber and never without one of our chaperones.”

 

Babe pouted at him. “Well you weren’t here. I didn’t see the harm.”

 

Across the room, Carwood sighed. “Oh Babe…”

 

“I’m sorry,” Babe sulked. “I thought it was a nice thing. You always say he’s nasty to you, right? Well, what’s wrong with a present?”

  
“How can I be mad at a hare? For God’s sake, Babe, you’re lucky you’re so pretty,” David half-teased as he broke the wax seal on the letter. Upon it was pressed the coat of arm of Liebgott’s house and truly there was no doubt who it was from the sharp, slanted handwriting. He read it aloud. “ ‘Dearest David. It is time I present you with proper courting gifts. The first of many shall be a truffle pig for you to use in the warmer months. May it bring you as much joy as it did me.’ ”

 

David frowned a little and tossed the letter aside, heading into his room. “Great, he’ll probably give me a damn pig at breakfast in front of my father and I’ll have to smile like an idiot and thank him for - _Christ!_ ”

 

A loud, horrid squeal came from inside the room and he slammed the door on the ugly face that had come charging at him. David scrambled away from the door and yelped when the animal slammed itself against the wood from the other side. He grabbed Carwood and shoved the noble in front of him, peeking over his broad shoulder.

 

“Don’t tell me-” Carwood shut his mouth when another squeal came from the room followed by a huge clatter that sounded like several things unrepairably shattering. “Oh no.”

  
  
“That’s not a pig!” David shook him violently, voice pitched hysterically high. “That’s a damn wild boar! He put a boar in my room! Those things _kill_ people!”  

 

“David, please-”

 

“ _Do something!_ ”

 

George buried his face in his hands with an exasperated groan. He just knew he was going to have to be the one to wrangle the damn boar out of the prince’s room. And here he had stuck up for Joseph on multiple occasions. Stupid German bastard.

 

o0o

 

The next morning, Joe arrived in his outerchambers with several of his personal court around him like bodyguards. Toye, Speirs, Grant, real bulky men with a heavy intimidation factor. But David was livid and even they couldn’t stop him from fuming.

 

“How dare you, Joseph?”

 

“It was a joke, I assure you,” Joe promised, accent dancing heavy on the words as he waved it off. “In my country, a prince would find it quite amusing.”

 

David jaw ticked at the outright lie. “It was far from funny.”

 

“I can see that,” Joe faux-soothed, gesturing toward Speirs. The man stepped up and offered the box to Carwood. “Take this true courting gift as an apology for my cultural misstep.”

 

Carwood moved to accept the present but David shook his head. “Refused.”

 

“David,” Carwood scolded lowly. “There’s no need to be rude.” He side-eyed the German prince but kept his smile pleasant. “We knew there’d be some culture clash when this match was made and we are prepared to accept apologies. Both sides are.”  
  
  
  
“Agreed,” Speirs seconded, fingers sliding deliberately along Carwood’s as he passed over the box. There was a resigned look in his eyes like he too was fed up with the princes. “Prince Joseph promises to make his courting gifts more serious in the future. Starting with this one.”

 

They bowed their heads in mutual respect before Carwood turned and presented the box to his prince.

 

David eyed it warily before glaring at the other grinning prince. “I don’t trust it.”

 

“Just accept it,” Joe groused good-naturedly.

 

David shook his head but Carwood tisked in disapproval. “Your Highness, I urge you to.”

 

David took the box with a displeased grunt and removed the lid carefully as if he was sure something would jump out. When nothing happened, he peered inside. His jaw dropped in awe at the ocean-blue silk he found there. He took the box to the nearest table and laid out articles with careful reverence. They were two sets of sheets and smallclothes made of the same, gorgeous material.

 

“So you may sleep in all the luxury of your status,” Joe declared with a deep bow. He sounded sarcastic but his face read of sincerity if not some underlying bitterness. “I know it is your favorite color. I hope you find it suitable and accept my apology at such a poor joke.”

 

“I…” David rubbed the sleep pants between his fingers and loved how it slid against his skin. “Yes, Joe. Forgive my overreaction. These are lovely. I full-heartedly accept.”

 

“Good,” Joe dipped his head one more time before gesturing to his men. “Then I’ll see you at dinner. Enjoy the rest of your day.”

  
  
“And you as well.”

 

That night, David came into his bedroom to find the new sheets upon his bed. He stripped down and enveloped himself in his new, beautiful clothes. They felt like water against his skin. He modeled them in front of his mirror with a growing smile. He looked good in them. They fit well and he loved the sight of the deep blue against his skin. They made his eyes pop, he’d admit that. Joe had picked the perfect shade and it truly did shimmer like the sea in the candlelight.

 

Maybe Joe wasn’t so terrible if he could give such a gorgeous gift.

 

David climbed into bed ready to delve into a book, thoughts drifting to a civil and maybe even pleasant marriage. And then his knee slid off the bed and he face-planted into the mattress with an indignant, high pitched cry. He pushed at the bed to try and sit up but his palm slid so hard he only smashed his face back into it.

 

“Stupid fucking-!”

 

David tried to crawl up on the bed but both legs grazed uselessly off the corner of the mattress. Despite his pawing for purchase, he slowly but surely slid further down until he dumped gracelessly into a heap on the chilly hardwood. He gawked at the innocent sheets with a dawning realization that Joe had planned this somehow.

 

“You absolute bastard!” David bellowed into the empty room, fist pounding against the floor in a petulant tantrum. “I am sick to death of this! You complete and utter snake! God’s blood, martyrs be damned, _I_ _hate you_!”

 

Knuckles tapped against the door and George’s voice drifted through. “Shall I write that all down and send it to Joseph in the morning, my prince?”

 

“Oh shut up!”

 

The next morning he made sure the sheets were packed away but he selfishly kept the smallclothes. He looked too good in them not to.

 

o0o0o0o

 

The pair were forced to spend much of their time together. The king was sure if the couple were to get to know one another they would find common ground for which to build their marriage and quit their petty arguing. Unfortunately, the longer they were shut in rooms together, the thicker the tension grew and the more apparent their differences grew

 

“Thornhill was brilliant and ahead of his time. Don’t you dare compare him to _Mengs_ of all men. I’ll compose you a sonnet on how crooked his portraits were. He was sloppy and you know it!”

 

“Chopin doesn’t hold a damn candle to Schubert and if you say otherwise again, I’m going to put this fork in your damn throat!”

 

“Name a German opera isn’t composed of classic rage and full of spitting idiots. Go ahead, I’ll wait!”

 

Their last blow up was about cricket and rugby of all things. Both men ended up red in the face as they screamed at each other from across the dinner table thankfully absent of the royal family. They hissed and hurled insults and eventually both had to be dragged back to their chambers by their exasperated chaperones.

 

David had very few days where he got to sleep in and enjoy a long rest. This was a day he had been looking forward to for weeks. No meetings, no outings, no sports, nothing to do until the evening to make an appearance at dinner. Except he couldn’t sleep because some asshole and his troupe of merry men were outside causing a ruckus.

 

David thrashed in his bed. He growled and tried shoving his pillows over his head, against his ears, but nothing blocked out the hooting and hollering. They were rowdy out there. When he finally broke down, he snarled and tossed his sheets aside. He got up and prowled toward the window, throwing it open and glaring fiercely down at the courtyard.

 

“Joseph!” he bellowed, leaning out the window and scowling at the prince.

 

When the tackle was settled, several of the men looked up to the window, including his fiance. They were all shirtless and sweating but Joe was the only one grinning.

 

“Good morning, _Meine Blüte_!” Joe called, hands cupped over his mouth to make sure he was heard. “May I say the fresh sunshine agrees with your eyes!”

 

“ _Get fucked!_ ”

 

Even when he slammed the window shut he could hear Joe’s smug, satisfied laugh. And then the call for another round.

 

o0o0o0o

 

David started returning the gestures of ‘affection’. He had Joe’s chambers filled to the brim with English roses. He ordered the cooks abstain from cooking any meat for Joe’s breakfast with the loving declaration that he worried for his future husband’s health and had fresh fruit sent in the morning instead. He ‘accidentally’ forgot Joe’s hate for cricket and managed to trick the other prince onto the field before making the announcement that Joe would captain the team during the match.

 

For every jab there was a parry. It was getting obscene to the point where both Ron and Carwood had to step in. They each bundled their respective prince into a small room with one another and made them sit down at a table. They huffed and puffed and generally made a fuss but each chaperone laid their hands on royal shoulders and kept them in place.

 

“I believe we’ve all had enough,” Carwood stated firmly, squeezing David’s shoulders when the prince pouted. “You’ve had your fun.”

 

“You’ve made your points,” Ron added, digging his fingers in until Joe winced.

 

“But I believe a real courtship is now in order,” Carwood finished.

 

“You weren’t brought here to annoy an English prince,” Ron tisked with a note of disappointment. “You were brought to become one.”

 

“ _Ich bin Deutsch zuerst_ ,” Joe spat. “You couldn’t bribe me with enough blood money in the world to become an ‘English’ prince.”

 

“Maybe that isn’t the best way to phrase it,” Carwood reiterated, casting a mildly scolding look at the knight. “You were brought here for a marriage that _will_ be built on respect. You represent two strong countries and your match will only benefit both, which I know you want.”

 

Joe’s mouth pursed just as tight as David’s did. They could not disagree.

 

“There is no reason for both of you to be unhappy,” Carwood pointed out. “You are fine young men. Fine young _princes_ who will one day be _kings_.”

 

“It’s time to start acting like it,” Ron ordered. “I’ve been too lenient. Your father would not be proud of your behavior.”

 

Joe slumped further in the chair, scowling down at the sapphire ring on his finger. “ _Er versteht nicht_.”

 

David frowned thoughtfully. “What don’t I understand?”

 

Joe shrugged but didn’t say anything.

 

“Joseph.”

  
  
“No more jokes,” Joe stated curtly. “If I give you any courting gifts, they will be real ones. No more fun, I suppose.”

 

“Fun isn’t the way to put it,” David remarked, still curious. “What don’t I understand, Joe?”

 

Joe stood and brushed off Ron’s shoulder with a curse, boots clicking sharply against the tile as he beat his retreat.

 

“That...went alright,” Carwood conceded.

 

Ron ran a hand over his face in pure frustration.

 

But David still wanted to know.

 

o0o

 

David went in search of Joe the second he could slip out of Carwood’s sight. His intentions were pure but still he wanted to question the prince. He found Joe at the end of an open hall reclining in the seat of a padded windowsill. His head was tilted against the glass and his gaze was out on the grounds. Schubert was snuggled in his arms and was rubbing his face against the prince’s chest like he wanted to comfort him.

 

“Joseph?”

 

Joe’s head lolled toward him. The man’s dark eyes were wet but his cheeks were dry. He looked contemplative yet there was a sadness etched into his sharp features. “Yes?”

 

His voice lacked all the usual mischievous or argumentative lilt and it was disconcerting.

 

“Nevermind,” David husked, carefully retreating. “I’ll leave you alone.”

 

Even when David made himself walk away, he had to take at least one look back at the German prince. When he dared, he saw Joe had drown his legs up and clutched Schubert tighter like a lifeline. It broke his heart.

 

Maybe he was approaching this all wrong.

 

o0o0o0o

 

David escorted Joseph to the courtyard with both their personal courts in tow.

 

“I have a courting gift for you,” David revealed, trying to hide his excitement.

 

“Oh rapture,” Joe drawled. Then he spotted the travel kennels and heard the rustle and little _boofs_ of the dogs inside. “What’s this?”

 

“I know you love the hunt, so…” David drew out, standing before the crates and gesturing. “I’ve gathered the finest pack of hounds in England to assist you. They have been well trained and cared for. Their breeding is the most excellent you can find.”

 

Joe loudly sucked his teeth and gazed at the boxes in disdain. Behind him, Grant put his face in his hands and Speirs rolled his eyes in a rare display of exasperation. Alley and Tipper shared a look but kept their faces as neutral as possible.

 

David watched the Germans with a growing frown. “What?”

 

“I have a hunting pack,” Joe clipped out.

 

“I know.” And he did, vaguely. Joe went out to hunt so often and he saw him from a distance with his men and the dogs. “But these are far better. You’ll have the very best.” He grew nervous under the man’s heavy stare. “That’s...all I want for you. The very best.”

 

“My hounds are from a long, healthy bloodline dating back to my great grandfather,” Joe growled defensively. Behind him, Carwood pinched the bridge of his nose. “The ancestors of my pack have taken down _bears_ in their prime. Their fathers ran with my father, their siblings guard my sisters’ beds. You think some English muts would better suit me, protect me, than the hounds I helped deliver into this world and grew up with?”

 

David felt his stomach bottom out and the color drain from his face at the sick realization. He’d been completely unaware of the lineage and his ignorance had sparked more conflict in his fiance. He swallowed down his humiliation like crow. “I...had no idea.”

 

Joe gave a haughty snort but got a quick pinch to the back of the arm by Ron.

  
  
“My prince,” the knight began, his unwavering gaze almost too much to look at directly. “How was your intended supposed to know such a thing if you never told him?”

  
  
Joe’s mouth opened and closed dumbly.

 

“I should have asked one of your men, I supposed,” David offered meekly.

 

That strange, disappointed sadness came over Joe’s face once more and David felt like a jackass. What did he truly know about his fiance?

 

“I didn’t mean an insult.”

 

“I...know,” Joe said reluctantly. “I must refuse this gift but it is done so cordially.”

 

“Understood.”

 

Later in bed, David ran his hand over his silk-clothed stomach and wondered about his betrothed. Joe had every right to be defensive about his cat, his hounds, his heritage, his _life_. What David had taken as hostility and merciless torture was starting to look more like the actions of a prince who was trying to find his place. He gazed up at his ceiling and thought back to their interactions the past few months. His cheeks burned with an embarrassed flush as he remembered that most of the time it was Joe who initiated conversation, though both of them were guilty of escalating them into arguments.

 

Had they actually spoken civilly for more than a few minutes? What did he know about Joseph?

 

David’s brows pinched up as he drew a blank. “Shit.”

 

He was doing this all wrong.

 

o0o

 

The assembly had only been going on a few minutes and David was already painfully bored. Thankfully he had Nixon there, a wise adviser he could trust and a long time friend, but that was only one man out of several older lords who thought they knew what was best. They were the head of their houses, his lords, some his advisers. Though he felt like a pompous ass for even thinking it, he found these minor topics boring. In-country trade, squabbles among nobles, succession of titles, broken promises between English lords - nothing exceptional.

 

Until Joe decided to literally kick in the door.

 

“For God’s sake!”

 

“What’s the meaning of this?”

 

“Prince Joseph?”

 

David was ready to snipe but found his mouth dry and words escaped him at the sight of his betrothed. He looked absolutely _ravishing_. There was a bracing flush to his face and as he strut into the room eyes were drawn to the long, leather riding boots that laced up to his knees. His legs looked miles long with the help of his tight breeches that clung to his thighs. David tried not to gawk but they were gorgeous and he wondered why he’d never seen it before. Joe’s shirt was obscenely unbuttoned to show off a heavy slice of chest and the flesh looked buttery soft against the ivory cloth.

 

Those damn red lips and the thick swoop of his hair, so artfully and infuriatingly messy…

 

David nearly choked on his sudden rush of desire.

 

“H-Hello,” he rasped out before clearing his throat and trying again. “Joseph. You look...I...where have you been all morning?”

 

“Out riding,” Joe replied dismissively as he slung around a chair and fell into it, legs splayed out and one arm curling around to grab the back of the wood.

 

“It agrees with you.” David could hear the husk in his voice and the smug smirk that tugged on those sinful lips told him he was being obvious. “What are you doing here?”

 

“I’m betrothed to the future king of England, are I not?” Joe’s fingers flicked in the air. “It’s time I got more involved in it’s goings-on. I don’t want to be a show-prince, now do I? Nothing worse than an empty crown.”

 

That cut through some of David’s hazy ogling and he felt a strange flutter of pride in his chest. “Truly?”

 

Joe nodded, hand falling to his thigh. David’s gaze followed the movement and if he wasn’t blushing before he surely was now. The other prince shifted further down in his chair and his shirt pulled just so to show off the shadow of a nipple. It was just a hint and it made David want to part the fabric that scant inch further, to see more. When had Joe become so divine in his eyes?

 

“I assure you, Herr Liebgott, that’s unnecessary,” Sobel informed the prince with a tight frown. “Our Crown Prince can handle matters just fine on his own. You can return to riding if you wish.”

 

“First of all,” Joe grunted as he hauled himself to his feet, plastering a casual grin on his face. “It’s ‘Highness’. But that’s a forgivable mistake by the commonwealth.” Sobel sneered and Joe started a trek around the table towards the lord. “Second of all, why do you deem my presence unnecessary?”

 

David knew that Sobel and his house had spoken against a German marriage but he wasn’t sure if Joe had learned who their enemies at court were. Sobel was an unavoidable problem that his father liked to keep close just to keep an eye on. He was harmless but he was a controlling bastard who got off on power trips. He didn’t think the man would dare open his mouth with Joe in the room but yet again he was disappointed.

 

“Because _you_ are unnecessary.”

 

“Tell me,” Joe began with a faux-curiosity, half sitting on the table beside Sobel’s elbow. “Has England suddenly stopped needing Germany’s support?”

 

“You’re hardly the only German ‘prince to be given away to our country,” Sobel clipped out with a smug air that made David wince. Several of the other lords looked disturbed. Nixon’s fist closed tight around his goblet and he looked ready to bark something sarcastic. David opened his mouth to put a stop to this but Joe’s rude little chuckle made him give pause.

 

“Ah, but.” Joe’s accent laced heavy in the words. He pushed his thumb into Sobel’s cheek and forced him to turn his head toward David. “Look at pretty boy sitting there. That is your king-to-be, and he is _mine_. Which makes this castaway prince-” He grabbed Sobel’s chin and made him look at him once more. “-so much more important.”

 

Sobel jerked his head away with a glare.

 

“Did you even read the contract of my dowry?” Joe snorted. “Wheat, steel, silk, enough livestock to feed London for three years. Ten thousand highly trained, loyal German soldiers at your command.” He snapped his fingers. “At the drop of a hat. More if war were to ensue. Not to mention all the fresh gold in English vaults.”

 

Sobel’s lip drew back in an ugly, challenging snarl. “German gold is worth _half_ that of English gold.”

 

Joe leaned into the man’s space with own sharp, bared teeth. “The mark could be worth one _fifth_ of a pound and I would still be two lifetimes wealthier than you, Lord Sobel. So watch your fucking mouth when you speak to me. I am your prince.”

  
  
“You are no prince of mine.” Sobel’s gaze shot to David as if looking for support. “Your Highness, control this German hound!”

 

“I believe you were told to watch your tongue and the warning will not be repeated,” David hissed. “Joseph is not only your prince but your future king. Speak to him again like that and it will be taken as treason.”

 

Sobel blanched stark white at that. He sunk into his chair and lowered his eyes. Joe patted the lord’s shoulder and got up as if to leave.

 

“Joseph!” David sat forward in his own chair, pushing down his flicker of panic into a smile. “You are more than welcome. Here and at any future meetings such as this. I would enjoy your input.”

 

Joe smiled at him and it stole his breath. There was no malice, no bite, just a curve of full lips and pearly whites. “Thank you, David.”

  
“Here, Highness,” Nixon stated, getting up from his seat and gesturing to it. “Take the prince’s side.”  
  
  
  
“Thank you, sir,” Joe recognized as he passed the lord with a nod. He sat down and leaned toward David, head cocked as German poured from his lips. “ _Are you upset with me?_ ”

 

David chuckled and moved toward him, lowering his voice and replying fluidly. “ _For defending your status? Never. You are my betrothed. First and foremost, you are a prince that will become king_.” He frowned at Sobel and spoke through grit teeth. “ _If another speaks to you like that, feel free to have them flogged or hung_.”

  
The casual violence rattled Joe and not unpleasantly. His eyes rounded out and he looked as if he were seeing David for the first time. “ _Truly_?”

  
David took up the other prince’s hand and pressed a chaste kiss to the back of it, tasting the sunshine on his skin. “ _My kingdom is yours. My power is yours. Do not let anyone disrespect you_.” He ran his thumb over the man’s knuckles and offered a small smile. “ _Not even me._ ”

  
  
For the rest of the meeting, David could feel Joe’s gaze burning into him, but he forced himself to pay attention. Something had shifted between them.


End file.
